Do you ever fancy reading a fic that doesn't involve the key players? Do you sometimes just want to kick back and find out what Demetri does on his days off, why Alistair was a miserable git and whether the Volturi girls enjoy shopping as much as Alice?

Then look no further. Here I am to help you help you work your way through the minor leagues; we'll learn a bit more about all those characters who get three lines in Breaking Dawn, and a few of the other central characters who never really achieve their full potential and maybe even a couple of the wolves. Maybe. But I'm not promising anything.

Anything and everything goes genre-wise in this arena, so prepare for all manner of strangeness.

*does best Igor voice* It's what I do.

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OS; Crackfic/humour; #TeamVolturi #TeamVamp

Summary: What happens if you put Jane in a cubicle?

I rarely read 'funny' stories because my sense of humour is not like everyone else's. I don't like crackfics on the whole and I don't generally like when writers try to be funny. Some writers are genuinely funny and have a way with words, others just don't cut the mustard.

Spirare is one of those authors who has a way with words and she makes me howl.

This one caught my eye because of the summary. Jane in a cubicle? “Oh big deal, little Jane gets a job and has to work in an office”, I thought. Then I noticed it was #TeamVamp. “WTH? Now I'm intrigued...” So I started to read.

Attention All Employees


We have implemented the following policies effective immediately.

1. All employees must clock in and out upon entering and leaving the office respectively. Please use the time-card located to the right of the front entrance.

2. All employees must take a mandatory 1 hour lunch and two 15 minute breaks.

3. Please be respectful and do not bring your lunch to the office with you. A distracted vampire is not a productive vampire.

4. Please familiarize yourself with the new mission and expense reporting system. All reports will be due within 24 hours of mission completion.

5. Full uniforms are required even when you are not currently on a mission. This is to encourage team solidarity.

6. Lastly, please refrain from using your abilities while on office time. We are here to provide a safe and happy work environment.

Failure to comply with any of the aforementioned policies will result in swift and severe punishment.

Thank you, in advance, for your continued cooperation.

Sincerely,
The Management

What. The. Actual. Fuck?

Yeah, that's right. The Volturi have instigated new employee procedures and gone 'corporate'. Jane's reaction is hilarious; she so obviously doesn't fit the twee corporate world of nice cubicles and potted plants and the fact that the other guards in the 'pool' seem to be expecting her to not react kindly to it all, means you just know nothing good is going to come of it.

It's a familiar situation that we've all been in or seen someone else in. You love your work, you do your job and then suddenly some 'Efficiency Expert' or new HR person comes in and starts putting in unnecessary rules and regulations that only serve to irk those who were getting on just fine without them.

Which of course, makes it funny as hell.

Someone is going to get hurt and badly. I could tell you more, but I don't want to spoil it, because it's only 1400 or so words long. But if you like Jane and her less than amused persona, you won't be disappointed. The writing is excellent, with good descriptions that show you, rather than tell you, what's going on – if you can't imagine yourself in Jane's head, you're not trying hard enough – and you just know that Jane is a girl who knows her job and does it well, but is suddenly being tied up in red tape by some jobsworth who is going to pay for sticking their nose in where it doesn't concern them.

Plus, Aro's cameo at the end as the smarmy boss, is priceless.

All in all an ideal lunchtime pick-me-up for those who do the 9-5 thing and can't spend time being all flustered over their respective Twi-crishes during the day.